Thursday, January 10, 2008

Aruba, Jamaica, Oooh I Wanna Take You To Bermuda...

It only takes a few chance happenings for me to write about something and lately I have been reading about Men and their shorts. The Iron Chic says that men wearing shorts is a deal breaker. This is how it started. Then a few days later, I saw an ad in a magazine dating back to the 80s featuring those awful cut-off denim Bermudas. Anyone remember the frayed acid washed looked? Yes, it was frightening (and the mullet wasn't too cool either). The next evening, I was reading about 1950s fashion and noticed that Bermuda shorts became very popular in America during this decade.

As most of you know, we are LADY Language, and don’t usually talk about Men’s fashion around here. But, as a service to all of those women who have husbands, brothers, sons (or if you are one of our fabulous male readers - we love to see your smiling faces), here are the rules for wearing Bermuda shorts:

1. Absolutely no Bermuda shorts with a blazer - don't even think about wearing this to work. You might as well just wear your boxer shorts as they have the same effect.
2. PLEASE, do not pair them with knee high socks and dress shoes or loafers.
3. DO NOT sport your bare feet in loafers while wearing Bermudas (refer to #2 regarding socks).
4. I know it’s hard to hear, but you cannot, and I repeat CANNOT wear them with a cardigan sweater.
5. Ditch the jean short Bermudas, please...I can’t beg you enough. If these become popular again, I am seriously gonna cry (the way I did when I saw the Water Horse).

But alas, there is hope. Here are the circumstances in which you MAY wear them:

1. You carry a man purse.
2. You are over 55 and live in Florida or Arizona.
3. You are younger than 18.
4. You are a member of the British Military
5. You golf or play tennis (yeah, it’s okay Dad)
6. You live in Bermuda (seriously, it is the Male dress code - they wear them 3 inches above the knee and this is the trend origin).

None of the above apply to you but you still wear 'em? So does my husband. No worries, please just wear a casual shirt or tee shirt and be sure they AT LEAST go down to the top of your knee. DO NOT wear them mid-thigh...no...it is not sexy. Save the short shorts for the gym...a sweaty guy with bulging thighs in short shorts at the gym...now that is sexy.

Want more male fashion? Head on over to Manchic for some eye candy.

8 comments:

lceel said...

Even though my wife would have me wear shorts whenever and wherever, and she insists I have great legs, I have never and will never wear bermudas. However, as a compromise - and for her benefit - I do wear boxer briefs. That, of course, is just between you and me. Don't tell anybody.

the iron chic said...

What can I say? I guess I just want guys to suffer a little. Okay, okay.
If they are going to take a three day hike through Death Valley, then I will approve!

Lady Language said...

Lou - I think your secret is out...but I didn't tell anyone. Go ahead and flaunt the great legs.
iron chic - suffering or not, you have a good point and it's hilarious.

Sandy C. said...

What a great post. And some great rules to follow. I couldn't agree more...

And BTW, "DO NOT sport your bare feet in loafers....EVER!" It's just gross.

Lady Language said...

Hi Sandy! just imagine how those bare feet would smell...gross is right.

The Poet Laura-eate said...

What about those awful just-got-out-of-jail jeans that hang around mens' knees and make them look like they have no bum which require continual hoiking to avert calamity?

Though I agree men need good enough legs to carry off shorts. And definitely no socks-and-sandals/shoes combo either!

mama's got moxie said...

i never understood the whole shorts/bare feet in loafers thing.

Lady Language said...

moxie- I recall it being part of the Ralph Lauren Polo look back in the 80s, another case of following fashion trends when you shouldn't!